Got Character?
A Blog on Character by Katie Hawkins
Woodrow Wilson said, “If you lose your wealth, you have lost nothing. If you lose your health, you have lost something; but if you lose your character, you have lost everything.” When I lost my health to a horrible cancer, I would’ve given any wealth I had to get it back because I deeply feared I’d completely lose my character. The sicker I became with chemotherapy, the more I wanted to curl up and whine. I didn’t want to be strong and courageous. I didn’t want to be an example to others of how to hang on to faith so you can thrive while slowly dying. I just wanted to feel good again. I wanted to throw pity parties, temper tantrums, and indulge in all manner of childish behaviors. The futility of this attitude became abundantly clear. I had to face the reality of this trial and find a way to turn my suffering into something that would strengthen me, not defeat me. I knew the promise in Romans where Paul tells us that all things work together for good for those who are called according to His purpose. I also knew that His purpose for me was not to live a comfortable life but to be more and more conformed to the image of His Son. In other words, to have my character resemble my Lord’s!
So, along with my prayers asking God to help me survive, I asked Him to refine me through this fiery trial. He did just that. He taught me to relax and receive. Thankfully I could still read books and be part of the She Speaks Stories podcast each week. Whenever my attitude waned, I’d hear a story from a podcast guest who suffered similarly, and it would help tremendously. Perhaps I’d read the story of an author who had worse physical dilemmas than I and learn how she handed all to the glory to God. While doctors were trying to restore my physical health, authors and speakers who knew Jesus were helping me hang on tight to my character. My soul was being nourished well as my body got weaker and weaker with the chemotherapy.
I wish I had the space here to tell you all the stories that helped me. I write about a lot of them in my book, so grab a copy when it comes out and skip straight to chapter ten if you’re interested!
In the meantime, I want to keep these written words short and direct you to some spoken words on this subject. Listen to Podcast Episode #47 called “Dark Moments.” It’s Susan, Gwen and me talking about my own brush with physical trials and how it impacted me spiritually. I recount some of the help and hope that came my way. One of my favorite tidbits came from my brother Tommy who said, “Kate, the cancer is going to go away. It will be a season that you just have to get through. It will end eventually, but what God is going to do through this will be with you for the rest of your life. It not only will be with you, but it will spill out over all the people you encounter. As much as I cringe and hurt hearing what you must go through, if God is doing something amazing inside of you, wouldn’t it be for your gain in the long run?“
Pondering Tommy’s words now a year and a half later, I would tell our twenty-eighth president, good ole Woodrow, “Believe me when I tell you that losing my health was something, but God hung on tight to my inner soul and didn’t let me lose everything. He opened my mind to new thoughts, my emotions to new depths, and my will to new levels of surrender. He refined things inside of me that bring me new freedom and joy. My health is back, I didn’t lose wealth, but best of all, the Lord continues to work inside me to desire the purity of character that will honor Him.