Looking At My Father

A Blog About Abiding by Katie Hawkins

You know how the physical oft times mirrors the spiritual so we can get a deeper understanding

of something we can’t use our 5 senses to understand? I had the most incredible flash of this

and I’m still basking in the joy of it. Let me see if I can use feeble words to describe it.

I was Facetiming my son John. He is a big, strong, handsome man (and this mama isn’t one bit

prejudice!). As we were chatting, his wife Kelsey put their baby Jack into his arms. Now Jack is

7 months old and the most adorable baby you’ve ever seen (non-debatable fact!). He has these

huge eyes that are keenly expressive. As Jack looked around the room, he seemed to radiate a

kind of confusion, a bit of anxiety, maybe just uncertainty. He then focused on the phone in

John’s hand and could see my face. As I smiled and waved at him and tried to get him to

respond to me, he still looked unsure. And then his head tilted back, his eyes looked up into

the face of his father and as John looked down at him his whole demeanor changed. His face lit

up with a huge smile, his eyes sparkled, he radiated peace and contentment. And they just sat

there like that…the father looking at his son looking at him…and they were happy. No words

passed between them. Jack just being held securely and knowing it. John happy to hold and

protect. Both looking at one another and communicating great love. When the moment

passed and Jack looked around again and spotted me, he chuckled. He waved. He smiled. My

heart clenched with love for him and the realization that when someone feels loved they are

then able to give love to others.

The tender way God spoke to me through watching Jack’s pleasure and confidence increase in

his father’s arms made me ache to do the same as my Heavenly Father holds me. I’m always so

wordy with God, blabbing away with all my prayer requests and questions and compliments.

Then, in order to listen to what God might have to say back to me I always feel like I need to be

listening to scripture or a sermon or reading a book. Words! I need words in my mind. I feel

like I must understand, learn, grow, change. Now, those are good feelings to have and

challenges to contend for but as I grow spiritually could I do it from a confident position of

being nestled in the Almighty’s strong right arm? Could I be weaned off the need for words all

the time and just be with Him, enjoying His presence.

I took a long walk a couple days later and was listening to a book by John Mark Comer called

Practicing the Way (obviously not weaned yet!). I laughed out loud when I heard John Mark tell

a story of an old peasant who would spend hours sitting in a pew of his country church. The

Priest would come and go and constantly wonder why the man just sat there…not reading, not

on his knees praying, or singing ,just sitting. He finally asked him what exactly he was doing day

after day. The old man said, just looking at my Father looking at me …and we are happy.

The book is all about how to be with Jesus, become like Jesus, and go do what Jesus would do.

God prepared my heart for this message by first giving me a word picture of what it means to

simply be with Him. I’m looking at Him as I type and sense Him looking at me. My heart

clenches with love.