Relax in Truth

A Blog About Anxiety by Julia Sifers

I was laying on my bed, blanket pulled tightly over my head, and I couldn’t remember how to breathe. My body was covered in sweat, and I felt like a hippo was sitting on my chest. I wondered, “Is this how I die?”

I’m not normally an anxious person. I like to do new and fun things, I love talking with people and am excited by change. So, when my first panic attack hit after we moved to Germany, I wasn’t sure what was happening. We were at a theme park, and I was crossing from a pirate ship on a rope bridge to the shore when my legs stopped working. Germans behind me were grumbling and pushing me on as I gripped the rope. With sweat dripping, I made it to the bench on the other side of the bridge and told my family that I just needed a minute to catch my breath. I pretended all was fine, but it took an hour before I could shake off the daze I felt. What was that?!

Fast forward three years, and I had felt nothing near that feeling again. I chalked it up to newcomer’s nerves⏤stress from being new to a foreign country. But whenever I heard someone talk on the topic of anxiety or panic attacks, my ears perked up and my heart beat faster. On one level, I knew what was going on, but I refused to give it attention. My hope was that it would heal itself in time.

Then, this year, while my husband was working nights, I found myself alone. My hatred of doing things alone is well-known by those who love me, including my Father, God. I figured the Evil One who hates me had this same knowledge. The window for an attack was unlocked.

I put the kids to bed, enjoyed an episode or three on Netflix, and then headed into the dark upstairs to bed. I hate the dark. (I think it’s connected to my wild Anne Shirley-like imagination!) A lot of people know this about me, too. God certainly does, because I talk to Him often when I walk in the dark. I’m sure Satan is aware of this as well. The window for an attack flew wide open.

I climbed into bed and began to fall asleep. Suddenly, my stomach began to flip-flop and twist like when you hit a hill too fast in the car or that dropping sensation when the elevator goes down. I looked across the room and saw a little creature. He wasn’t overly gross, but his eyes were filled with demonic evil, and his greenish yellow skin was wrinkled all over. He was attempting to jump in my bed at full speed. I say attempting because as he dove, he hit an invisible barrier⏤a force field, so to speak⏤a bubble that protected my entire bed. My reaction was to pull the blanket over my head, and that’s when the panic attack began.

I coached myself to keep breathing:
Breathe in.
Now breathe out.
Take another breath.

I couldn’t get my arms to release the blanket and reach for my phone on my bedside table. I couldn’t reach up and turn on my light. I sat⏤in darkness ⏤and I prayed. God had protected me with the bubble, and He calmed my body enough to allow me to regain the movement of my arms. Slowly, I moved from under the blanket and grabbed my phone to text my husband who was miraculously on a break and able to call me and pray with me to help me get through the night. God’s timing is perfect.

This whole experience shook me up. I was sure I was crazy. What was that?! My mind went back to the pirate ship, and I recalled the paralyzing anxiety I had experienced. With this latest encounter, I couldn’t get the demonic eyes of the creature out of my mind. It dawned on me that this might be connected to a trip I’d taken to Benin, Africa. Several years back, I went to Benin with a team that was bringing The Jesus Film to rural places in Africa. We drove past a building and were told that it was the birthplace of voodoo. We explored several villages and islands and met many friendly people, but also many towns infected with darkness. The oppression within them was captured in the photographs we took⏤cold, severe, and completely recognizable. This was the image I saw the night of my panic attack, and although it was scary, I was thankful that God had allowed me to be exposed to it years ago in Africa, so that I could recognize it now. Knowing it was evil helped me know how to deal with it. Instead of just letting time heal it, like I had in Germany⏤I’m not sure that was the best way! ⏤I needed to gear up and put on the armor of God.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. (Ephesians 6:10-17, NIV)

Intentionally protect yourself with a battle stance of prayer. There is hope in this. We can protect ourselves from a very real battle. We can recognize evil and stand firm knowing we’re on the winning team. Satan does prowl like a roaring lion, but he’s declawed.

That verse gives us the instruction we need to be strong, but it’s not the five steps to cure anxiety or a panic attack. Anxiety and panic attacks come from a variety of sources, and are as unique as the people experiencing them. However, the way we feel when we go through them is similar. There is a Bible verse that says the following:

Be anxious for nothing. But in everything with prayer and supplication with thanksgiving. Let your request be made known to God and the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7, NKJV)

Similar to the amor of God passage in Ephesians, there is also help in these verses.

Pray when you’re anxious.
Look for things to be thankful for.
Tell God what you want.

Relax in the truth that He’s our awesome God who knows every-single-thing, even beyond what we can know and understand. He can guard your hearts and your minds! Let that reminder settle you. Philippians 4:6-7 isn’t a five-step plan to cure anxiety, but God’s loving four-step response to us written specifically to address the hardship He knew His children would battle.

“God is our refuge and strength, our ever-present help in trouble,” (Psalm 46:1-2, NIV).

If we hold onto truth, we can stand strong, knowing in Him we have hope!