Smoking, Stealing, Swearing… Stop It!

A Blog About Addiction by Katie Hawkins

If there is such a thing as an addictive personality I think I have it. 

As a child I watched my mom and dad smoke cigarettes and thought it looked cool. I started smoking myself when I was in middle school, and although it was a bit scratchy and nauseating at first, I took to it completely and became a cigarette fiend! I had to sneak them in the beginning since I couldn’t buy them, but that was easily remedied with friends who knew people who would get them for us. Once I could legally smoke, (I think around 16) I was up to a pack a day and loved it!

Then there was shoplifting. The crowd I hung with loved to steal. It was empowering and gave us a burst of adrenaline when we’d get away with it. Thankfully I had a scare and promised God I’d never steal again if He got me out of it. He did, and I quit that addiction before it ruined me. But on to the next one. 

I’m not sure swearing can be an addiction but if it is, add it to my list. I had verbal habits that were so cocky and crude. I’m not sure why. I guess it all went with the image I had of myself as a “party girl”—kind of loose, free, and edgy. Maybe I thought it was sophisticated.

When Jesus came into my life, along with my new husband, things changed.

The swearing literally dried up. That’s a weird way to describe it, but I honestly could not mouth foul words anymore. At least on a regular basis. Every now and then one would slip out, but I’d immediately be embarrassed. I had learned that the Spirit of God lived in me, and I was on earth to glorify Him. I think through His power in me, my mind could not justify the crudeness anymore, and so bad language just stopped. Can you picture Jesus cursing?  Nor could I, and that just had to go from my life.

The smoking wasn’t so easy to eradicate. At this time in history (1980’s) we all knew how detrimental smoking was to our health. My husband Mike hated the smell of smoke and was desperate for me to quit. I truly didn’t realize that it had a bad odor because I grew up with that smell. I liked it. So, despite being armed with knowledge that it was harmful, despite wanting to please my new husband, I just couldn’t quit. I couldn’t imagine life without smoking. I went to a “Smoke Enders” class at the Naval Hospital in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba where we were living at the time. There were 20 of us smokers in the group and Mike came along for moral support. Each session was a couple of hours long, so the instructor gave us a break halfway through. We all ran outside and lit up even though we’d just been looking at pictures of black lungs and hearing horror stories of people with mouth cancer. Mike couldn’t fathom our behavior. Addictions aren’t reasonable. If you’ve never been an addict, you can’t understand why people don’t just stop harmful behaviors. I failed the Smoke Enders class. What followed were years of pledging to cut down, sneaking cigarettes, lying to Mike, and just generally being consumed with the next hit of nicotine. Getting pregnant helped as I had another life to consider. But it didn’t eradicate the addiction. As soon as I gave birth, I lit back up. 

Two babies later, I was still a conflicted smoker. Not regularly smoking but seeking out friends that did who I could mooch a cigarette from. I spent a lot of time with my smoking friends! Then, what I classify as a miracle came my way!  I’d gone home to Wisconsin for a two-week family reunion. Mike couldn’t come because of work but before I left, I promised him I wouldn’t smoke. The second I got off the plane I broke that promise and by the end of two weeks I was back to a pack a day. Craziness I know! When I returned home not only was Mike heartbroken that I’d callously broken my promise to him, I had to go through wrenching withdrawals again. I was finally sick of myself, sick of the pull, the anguish of being in bondage to something. I cried out to God. I told Him that I was done trying half-heartedly in my own strength to quit something that was robbing me of so much time and energy let alone physical health. I told Him I was desperate for His help. I wept and I surrendered, and I pleaded to be set free. My miracle came. I have never, ever had another cigarette. I have never even had the desire for another one. It was absolutely gone, and that’s why I call it a miracle.

So, if you have an addictive personality and you are wondering if you can be set free of habits holding you in bondage, the answer is of course you can.  Is it easy?  Sometimes… if Jesus just dries up the desire. Other times it can be a lengthy process and requires putting some hard work and good strategies into recovery. For some, counseling is essential and/or groups like Alcoholics Anonymous or Celebrate Recovery. When an honest dialogue with God about your fears and failures and then a plea for help from Him is involved, success of some sort is guaranteed. He sometimes delivers you from the addiction (takes it away), sometimes delivers you through the addiction (takes your hand and is with you as you work through recovery), and sometimes delivers you by the addiction (allows it to have its way with your body and He takes you home where you are healed perfectly).

For some examples of the different ways our mighty God has helped those with some serious addictions, tune in to some of these podcast episodes below and take note.

Episode #18- Irene Rollins

Episode #12- Dana Brown

Episode #93- Ashley Sears

Episode #76- Deborah Yearwood